I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
