bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize