k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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