what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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