Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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