dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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