guys are not supposed to queef...right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
