just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just pee around me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
