Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
