Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
