i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
