Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
