We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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