why didn't you poke me back
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
