i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
