I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
