Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
