Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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