i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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