just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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