anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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