apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
