i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize