I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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