So drunk its hurt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize