So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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