So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
