He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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