i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
