I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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