no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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