Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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