im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
