ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
