I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
