She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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