She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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