saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
