i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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