why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
