you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
