So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
