is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He felt like a one man threesome
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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