Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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