what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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