you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize