OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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