Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
