Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
