I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
