Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nicole vs. Life
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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