cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
