i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
