I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
