I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
