I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
