how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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