It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
