Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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