I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
