Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize