Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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