I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I look better un-naked...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
