No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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