i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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