There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
