You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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