just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
