I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
