Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
