my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if only i could text you this smell
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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