My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
