the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
