The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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