it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
