I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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