I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
