I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
