I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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