Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
