so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
