Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
