i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
