A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
