I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
