one two three fourrrrnication!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
