I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
