i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize