Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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