whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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