yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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