I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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