He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
