party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
