I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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