i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
