Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
