So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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