This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
